Connie's Craziness

I cannot believe I am teaching 3rd grade this year. This takes a whole new mindset. I am a good teacher and I know I can do this. BUT it feels so challenging at this point.

I have had a few (more than a few) frustrated days. Surely by now a decision for next year has been made. I have thrown myself into panic mode over this and I am getting more and more worried about where I will be and what I will be doing. I wonder if she could make me transfer somewhere else???? It would NOT be fair esp since Cole is the sorriest excuse for a teacher there has been in a long while. I am not sleeping well, eating well, or anything else well at this point. I just feel frustrated. I know I should feel grateful to have a job. And I am. BUT I usually am in the planning stages of the beginning of the year and I cannot DO anything at this juncture. I love that word--juncture. It is soooooo Nancy Grace!!

I had a bad dream about school today. I had this huge class of wild kids that I could not control. They had no paper and pencils. Some had books and some didn't and my printer was broke. I went looking for Penny's room and got lost in this type of mall area. They must have had the good kids on that side of the school. I am teling you. I know this is a direct correlation between not knowing where I will be next year. All that chaos is triggering a panic attack.

I have been in tears for a few days about the oil spill that is heading towards us. There are already dead sea turtles and other wildlife washing up on the shoreline. This disaster is going to kill what was left after Katrina. If I could I think I would just leave so I would not have to see it happen. I have always had an environmental bent and conservationist heart. I hate knowing how bad this will be and how long IF EVER it will take to recover. I think that all the new condos and the casinos are gonna end up deserting us and this town will die a slow death. The economy is already the pits and who knows which teachers will have jobs. I am not sure what I will be doing in August. ALL these worries have me in a panic. MCT2 is next week. THAT right there is enough to put me over the edge. Hope and pray that I have done enough to help them improve scores.

I think I have the 'bug' that has been going around. I have had tummy problems and last night I think I thre up everything I had eaten in a week!!! Now I have this humongous headache. I hope I am NOT sick all weekend. That would really suck.

Janessa is bringing all the makings of mud pies to treat my kids today.....

The whole 4th grade planted seeds yesterday hoping some will grow. The kids seemed to enjoy it and my class was so self-controlled while others classes were NUTS. At least the colleagues spoke today. Still pissed. BUT planning a great celebration of making it through those stupid tests.

I cannot believe that those people would not speak to ME after what happened on Fri. I swear you would think it was my fault that they were so thoughtless and rude. I am so over the bullshit. Screw em.

well, I am not sure of the countdown at this point maybe 30 days??? I am full of anger and just royally pissed off. I need a plan. Janessa is devious maybe she can come up with something to put people in their place.

I really do not understand some people. Are they so obtuse that they did not realize the hurt they were causing? I would hate to think they did this on purpose but time has shown this type of behavior over and over. I just can't get past it this weekend. I am so angry and hurt for my kids. I would NEVER have done anything like that. I have always tried to keep an even keel with co-workers even if they had quirks. I have quirks. I feel like that proverbial 5th wheel this year. I am wondering if it will be like this until I retire. Is it because I am older than they are and have more control of myself. People who work with children should not be so thoughtless. Put yourself in their shoes. How would it feel to you. They will want to make nicey nicey with me, but it will take a lot for me to get over this one.

Something to make me feel lots better.....

yesterday the kids were on it...spring must be in the air. sent lots of emails home to parents and it better have helped. hate daylight savings time hate getting up early in the am tired mentally and physically exhausted wish i knew what i will be doing next year..hate the not knowing

I am totally exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. This school year has been good but stressful. Now I am worrying about next year already. I know the Bible says 'be anxious for nothing' but it is hard to do. We have done nothing but testing all week. I am sick of it and I KNOW the kids must be. I need a caffeine IV to get started today.