Connie's Craziness

I don't wanna get up.....the thunder shook the windows in the house all nite....I could sleep a couple more hours. i should've graded all those papers last nite...but i watched that new Ray Romano show....which was hilarious

Well, I went on a date. Yes, me!! James is a guy I met on Christian Mingle and we have emailed back and forth for several months. He finally asked for my phone number and I hesitatingly gave it to him. He then called and we talked for a while and set up a first meeting. I was soooooooooo nervous, but things went quite well. I do not know if he will ever call again. I really do not want to get married or anything like that. It was nice to just go out and have someone's undivided attention and have adult conversation. He is witty and funny and made me laugh. He is a Christian discovering all that God can do in his life. We talked about everything. We both ordered sweet tea! The waitress knew it was our first meeting because I was there early. Then we ordered the appetizer sampler. Then after a while we ordered dinner. I had a fried chicken salad and he had a hamburger. We do have a lot in common. We will see if this leads to anything or not.

I am still sickly. I feel weak and very shaky. Going back to school tomorrow because I have used 3 sick days in a row! I got a shot in the butt this morning.....steroids. Hope it makes me feel better.

Yes, I am sick. I am miserable. It could be a cold, or the flu. It could even be swine flu since one of my kids has been diagnosed with it. I feel awful.

I do not like corn mazes esp on hot days with crazy children

I have the most wonderful parents in the world. That is it.

Apparently I needed lots of sleep today. I had the strangest dreams. Almost like a plotline from a steamy novel. Sometimes I wish I could just not work. I would love to stay at home and do nothing. But I guess I would get bored with that kind of life, too.

Looking to a new week of challenges that I know I can meet regardless.

Katrina changed all our lives and the face of my life and hometown. It will always hold the scars of that day. Camille had also been devastating, but Katrina destroyed. This day will always be one of longing for what was and will never be again.

I got my first ALL positive note from CB this week. Nearly died of the shock of it.

I hate feeling this way. Like a truck has ran me over and then backed up over me again and again. I am taking a half day to try to recover.

Why are things in my life the way they are? I go from crisis to crisis and it does help my panic disorder. School is school. Janessa is Janessa. I am so over everything. If I had the courage I would just end it. Make the pain disappear. Damn you Randy.

Sometimes I wonder if it is worth even getting up every day.

I feel blindsided. This year is not my worry. It is next year. She has the power to do whatever she wants to with me. I am not a happy camper.

I had a terrible panic episode last nite. I wanted to talk to Randy sooooooooo bad. I was wishing I were dead or just someplace else. I wanted an escape. Too many people pulling me in too many directions. I HATE feeling like I am not in control. That is what it feels like. I can't control it and there is no telling what triggers one, especially a bad one. I feel like a truck has run over me and I wish I could just go to bed and sleep.

Life is like a wave. Sometimes you have to dive into trouble to come out on the other side. This is a quote from the novel Distant Shores . Don't EVER forget who you are at the center. This is what will bring you through love, despair, heartbreak, and failure.

I am exhausted physically, emotionally and psychologically. Maybe this new med is not working out. Lots of panic and anxiety. Maybe it is the reality of how close it is to going back to school. FREAK OUT I just want to sleep.

Got the BEST news today from Roy. #1 QDI super high TAKE THAT

Sounds like a good title for a story..... However, I am in the midst of a panic episode and cannot sleep. I think it is worry about the Prac. Tests this week.

I really don't wanna go to school. I am in a funk and my head hurts. BUT duty calls. I have to get them ready for testing next week. That is all I effing do is teach these kids how to take a test. They are not learning shit. DAMN IT

Today is one of those dates that I reflect on every year. In 1980 I lost my virginity on March 20 and became pregnant. I had an abortion. It still is a memory I would rather forget but it made me who I am today. In 1984, I lost a baby through an extopic pregnancy rupture. I was no longer able to have children. Luckily I had had a child just a few months before. Janessa. So on this day I thank God for her.

Another Randy dream......... This time I was waiting in my bedroom for him and I could not find anything to wear. So by the time I found something...Marti had shown up. This has some underlying psychological meaning I am sure. Of course, I AM EFFING CRAZY

I cannot escape the misery of the job even in my dreams. I dreamed that Buchanan forced me into a position in which I had no choice but to rebel and then she fired me which was her goal all along. Is this just a remnant of what happened to Cindy that is rattling around in my brain. I hate this being on edge constantly and doubting myself. I am a good teacher. My scores are always good. This pressure is not good for me or for my kids. I HATE team teaching. I am trying to ignore the stuff that aggravates me about RW. I am just gonna have to grin and bear it I guess. Until she goes or I do.

I hate school. That is all.

Someone rang my doorbell this morning at 4:30 a.m. Then I could not go back to sleep worrying about it. Well, it gave me enough time to finish running my vocab. test. Got pretty well pissed about Erin's 16 honor roll! She is not teaching hard enough and it is gonna bite us in the ass. WHY did they give her a top group?????? STUPID

Today is the beginning of 2009. Janessa and I hugged and cuddled as the ball dropped in NYC and then again in New Orleans. We had lunch with Mom, Daddy, Carole, Cindy and Camryn. We had roast, blackeyed peas, cornbread, cabbage and various other goodies. We sat around all afternoon and just talked and laughed about all kinds of things. Here is to a wonderful year.