Connie's Craziness

I am sooooooooo angry.  WHAT in the world has happened to teaching?? These idiots that I am working with have no fucking clue. Let's have Fun Fridays and Fund Days and Field Trips and do artsy fartsy stuff. Let's forget about teaching skills and vocab. we'll let them learn it fucking contextually.  REALLY????  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????????????????? There are things I feel strongly about and that is teaching. These people do NOT have an inkling of how to really teach to kids who do not know anything. AND  Dana calling out my name in the office for money for that fucking Arledge's 12,000 dollar party???????????????????  How dare she make me look awful in front of all those people to where i was forced to give money for something i did not want to give to. FUCK!!!!!! My blood pressure is sky high. I am so mad. Tried to teach today......stupid of me to try.  CeCe and Sarah and Monique's classes were wild and were ungodly loud all day.  DID t...

I had a crazy dream about Randy last nite. It was about us getting married again. But even before the wedding he was already doing the same things that caused the first divorce. It is so frustrating to have these dreams about him and me and our relationship. It is always about that something just out of reach of possible.

One of my fav things is warm tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Makes me think of home and cozy places. Clean and fresh sheets on my bed. I love the smell and the feel of the crispness of the sheets

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE A TEACHER? By Jeff Foxworthy You get a secret thrill out of laminating things. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line. You walk into a store and hear the words, “It’s Ms./Mr. ____________ and know you have been spotted. You have 25 people who accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another. You can eat a multi-course meal in under 25 minutes. You’ve trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day, lunch and planning period. You start saving other people’s trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom. You believe the Teacher’s Lounge should be equipped with a margarita machine. You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off”. You believe chocolate is a food group. You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside. You believe that unspeakabl...

Woke up really late today :)  Love vacation!  Played on the computer a bit and read a little. Then Janessa and I went to Cato. Then to Walmart. Back is killing me. I stayed in bed so long today because laying flat meant no pain. This flare up of Fibro symptoms is hard. It makes me tend to blame a particular person for this. Janessa went over to eat left overs with Mom and Daddy. I do not like left overs. Probably a trauma from being a poor child.

Triskaidekaphobia???   A new year with new adventures. My life is more than half over. I feel so much is undone. I do not feel much different from 1976. Still unsure and uncertain.

Not sure I can continue on like this. For 30 years I have taken all the crap that has been thrown at me and have prevailed. I have been strong and resilent. I AM TIRED. I do not want to be strong anymore. It sucks. I wish so many things. I wish not to HATE. I wish not be JEALOUS and envious of others who have those perfect 'Leave it to Beaver' lives. All I ever wanted  was a family, a home, a life that was easy and not fillled with stress and discord. All I have gotten is SHIT. BUT then i HAVE TO TURN AROUND AND be friendly with these people with the perfection. Is that fair? NO Fucking Way